I dont belong in Puerto Rico So I have been thinking about this for quite a bit but after reading some entries from lj friends who still live in Puerto Rico and looking at pages of friends from facebook who still live in Puerto Rico I have kind of come to a conclusion. I do not belong in Puerto Rico.
Seriously, I mean no offense to my facebook friends or LJ friends from PR but I just feel like I would blow my brains out if I had to live on that island. Growing up in Puerto Rico I have always felt like an alien. I never really got along all that great with most kids. Thinking back I think some kids tried to give me a chance (mostly cause I had allot of toys and distilled water plus the pool) but I was a weird child. I was hooked on cable, growing up cable was a luxury, most of the kids in the neighborhood watched cartoons dubbed in spanish. I hated spanish dubbing for one all the spanish voices would dumb down the characters and throw in really stupid jokes. I remember in the spanish version of TMNT Beebop and Rocksteady were blatantly gay for shredder. I was a bit of a TV snob, I had allot of time on my hands as a kid and after I turned 9 most of the neighborhood kids wouldnt really talk to me. We honestly had nothing to talk about, I didnt watch spanish tv, I didn't like sports, and none of my relatives were in jail.
I was pretty isolated and at school my love for 1950's and 60's rock and roll, my habbit of always reading books and my shyness around girl made me to appealing a target for bullies of both genders.
I think everyone though I would outgrow it, and I even did too for a little while but it only got worse as I got older. After high school I found myself surrounding myself around american raised puerto rican kids. Which turned out to be a little bit of a commodity. I remember my only request for a girlfriend was that she spoke fluent english and was americanized. As I got older it only got worse.
I found that unlike puertorican women, who found me quirky and non threatening. Puertorican men found me weird and took an instant dislike to me right away. I was always singled out at parties by the alphas in the group and snide comments would come my way. Sometimes even in the street i would get harassed, I remember one occasion going to visit my friend at his art school in san juan. As I approached the entrance I was speaking to my friend in English when I was stopped by the guard.
"You know you should speak Spanish, by speaking English it makes you look like a snob"
In social events I had to pretend to not originally be from Puerto Rico, it was easier to pretend that I was an american raised puerto rican (or rather a "newyorican" as they were smugly called by the islanders) because to tell the truth that i was raised in Puerto Rico since I was 3 would offend people to the point of anger.
"What are you ashamed of being Puerto Rican?"
"Whats wrong with you?"
"Why do you have to be so weird?"
In Puertoricans are always trying to classify things. Rocker, Rapper, Preppy, Black, White, Boricua, Newyorican, ect. If your not classified your an anomaly and that messes with their reality which perplexes and scares them. So they get angry and lash out.
Whats funny is that I never felt Puertorican in Puerto Rico, I was never welcomed by my people. People kept telling me I didn't deserve to have it because of the way I spoke, the way I dressed, the way I thought. I didn' t really become puertorican until I came to live in New York. The majority of Puertoricans here just accept me. They dont judge me for what I wear, for the music I listen to, for how I speak or what I think. See in Puerto Rico I think most boricuas are self centered and naive. They think that the world revolves around the island. So they have the time to be nit picky. But in the states, its us against the world. Everyday is a struggle and theres no time to fight around like babies about whos a "real Puertorican". We live in grown up world were people think your "spics" and they treat you like trash.
After living in New York where I dont have to worry about speaking my mind or getting people hassling me because of who I am. How could I ever go back to that?
So last semester I took probably one of the best classes in the world. Mass Media, it was a real fun class with a great professor. Sure it was awesome to talk about the power of media in our society. I even tolerated the naiveness of most of the students...like that one girl who actually said the comment about how the apocalypse is upon us (thats another post in itself). Or the guy in class who would slurp his Starbucks fruity drink in class and make a whole show about how he had to get every single last drop of it. "slurp...slurp..sluuuuurrrrp!"
But the best thing that came out of the class, the best thing I have ever learned in school so far is being introduced to "This American Life". God I love that show, its funny, touching and fascinating I think my new dream is to be on that show or have something I write be read on that show. I actually almost wish I lived in Chicago (the city where its based).
My favorite contributer to the show though has got to be Sara Vowell. I am completely smitten with her. I love every story she speaks about, I particularly like the ones about her childhood and teen years, so far though my favorite episode that featured her was when Ira tried to teach her how to drive a car..God that was hilarious. I think I am so taken with her because she really reminds me of Lene. Once again I am so attracted to geeky dorky girls. I love Sara's sarcastic sense of humor, her glibness toward the ridiculousness of society, and the way she embraces and is prideful of her awkwardness.
If you guys have a chance check out This American Life (http://www.thisamericanlife.org/) you can sign up for their free podcast, listen to any episode online or if your a real cool person you can pay a buck for mp3 downloads (its a great cause, so you will be extra cool if your donate or pay for an episode). If you want to just listen to a Sara episode, theres a list of every episode she has contributed to on her wiki page, just google it. My suggestion "Music Lessons" is a great episode and was the first Sara episode i ever heard (hearing Sara in front of a live audience is awesome).
I think ill give some dating advice You know the one neat thing I see going out so much is how common the patterns some girls have. I'm not talking about how every time they leave a awkward situation they say "I'm going to the bathroom" or how they will hold hands in the club kind of forming a kindergarten field trip line. Yes thats funny but its not what I'm talking about.
What I mean by pattern is the way girls act socially can just be looked at as a pattern real players know how to manipulate this which is why some guys get laid all the freaking time or at least get constant make outs.
This may sound misogynistic (i apologize for this ahead of time)
One thing I noticed is that allot of hot girls tend to hang out with cute girls. Now hot girls are hot, and cute girls are not as hot as the hot girl but are just cute. Frankly I'm happy to say that unlike other guys if I meet a hot girl/cute girl combo and I find the cute girl more interesting I will go after the cute girl. But here lies the rub. Cute girls are 90% of the time insanely insecure and they show it in the most annoying way....they are pains in the asses. Its like they spend all their time whinning that they dont get the attention from guys because they all go after the hot girls so the minute a guy shows interest either of these two thoughts pop into their heads
A) This guy is only faking interest in me to get into my friends pants, he doesn't really like me. I'm going to be a pain in his ass
Now I have to say there is some truth in this, some guys will try to make friends with the friend to get into the pants of the hot girl. But they wont try to hit on the friend to get with the hot girl that is what allot of guys call bad strategy. Because if they are all over the friend and then try to switch to the hottie they will be the biggest looser asshole in the club and that shit will get around quick! So if a guy is hitting on you with your hot friend right next to you there is a 80% chance he is into you!
B) Oh this guy is into me, but I'm not hot, I should act like the hot girl and hot girls act like total bitches, guys go for that, if I'm too easy he will loose interest and move on to something more challenging.
Oy! Where to begin? I going to all myth busters on you guys. There are two myths that fuck with all guys every day of their lives.
1) Hot women are bitches 2) Guys like bitches
Now lets start with the first one. Let me tell you that 70% of all hot women ARE NOT BITCHES! I don't care who you grew up with, if you worked in the fashion industry, if you know some d list celebrity. 70% of all hot women are actually pretty nice. Will they have sex with regular joe schmoes like you or me? probably not. But they wont be a complete dick to you and me. Hot women actually don't have the perfect life that allot of us think they do. They are completely valued on their looks. Doesn't matter if they are lawyers or doctors if your hot your thrown on the hot and stupid pile. So people will try to baby you all the time, they wont listen to you, your a trophy. It actually kind of sucks. I know, I know we all have problems but look at it this way at least people give a shit about your opinion when was the last time you think anyone actually gave a shit about what Pamela Anderson thought. I will agree some celebs like Tyra should just not speak.
Moving on two the other social myth. Guys like bitches. Why cant you guys see how ridiculous this sounds is beyond me?! Seriously! Maybe its because you see that your friends or maybe even you tend to fall for assholes. Or you see that great guy who your secretly in love with wound up marrying a total harpie. So okay lets get into why people wind up with assholes and bitches.
This is how it starts. This person has to fit a certain type of person to fall for a bitch or asshole. Basically it comes down to being too committed. You see its really rare for a guy to fall for a girl who is a complete bitch from the start. Lets say our boy is at a club and sees a cute girl, he goes up to her they hit it off and wind up making out or hell even hooking up. They have a magical night were they talk till the sun comes up about everything and everyone. Its magical.
Then after the honeymoon phase of the relationship is over. She turns into psycho bitch from hell. Connecting with someone is a very powerful thing this is why if a guy have a magical night and the next week she curses him out at a starbucks for bringing her a capucino instead of a non fat late guys tend to overlook such a glaring red flag that this is not a relationship you want to be involved in.
We all have had that thought of "But I know that person I fell for is inside there, I see here once a week, if only i could get get her to come out all the time." "Or I have committed so much time to this horrible person, maybe I can turn it around" These rationalities are just excuses we all make because we are used to the pain we have with this person but we are afraid of the pain of the unknown. What if i break up with this person and I wind up alone forever. Its those kinds of needy thoughts that screw up lives.
People who fall for assholes and bitches from the initial meeting are so rare. Its like catching a glimpse of a unicorn. These people are just insecure and just need that control in their lives. So they see being an asshole or bitch as a sing of strength and they latch on to it for dear life.
Now don't swing the completely the other way, don't go up to a guy and scream, your so hot, I love you, I want to marry you and have your children. Don't tell them how you know you'll both have a magical relationship and want to take them the next day to meet your parents. Don't be an idiot! Just play it cool, flirt with him, if you want even make out with the dude (if he plays his cards right), give him your number, hug him, BUT DON'T SLEEP WITH HIM THAT NIGHT. Seriously sex is not some lasso you can through around guys and expect them to call you the next day and have them ask you to be their girlfriends later that week.
Listen if your going to have sex with some guy you met at a club then hey good for you. But don't have sex expecting it to lead anywhere. If you want to have hot steamy sex with some stud you just met then enjoy it and leave it at that. He might call and he might not, but at least you did it for the right reasons and you enjoyed yourself that night.
Now go out, have fun, and be nice to that guy who talks to you, you never know where it might lead.
Well thats depressing Wow so I just spent the past hour going over my friends list and I have to say it has seriously bumbed me out. About only 4 of you actually have written anything recent (kudos to you) but man I have to say going over some of my friends pages is almost like going home after a trip and walking into a grave yard. Some friends I remember haven't posted anything IN OVER 4 YEARS!!! Some pages I saw made me just think...why did I ad this person? oh yeah shes a girl and I was a horny ass.
Mutante is someone I really miss. Man we used to hang out all the time in PR, but after she met her girlfriend we just kind of drifted apart...I hope shes happy :(
Renfest is still around and pretty hot. Im happy shes found someone and seems to have had many adventures. Lene's last post was in 2007...eh its better than nothing at least she is still doing her podcast so i know she is well.
I dunno as stupid as it sounds, i miss those times, when I was a stupid idiot who live with his folks and worked dead end part time jobs. I would flirt with girls on this thing, and read some awesome posts. Thanks for those of you who keep posting, god bless you, I hope your happy.
I lost my job two months ago. Since then my life has kind of spiraled a bit. I hated my job so I dont miss it, but I do miss the structure I had. I think the big problem I had with my job is that the higher ups always wanted me to put some passion behind my job and I just couldn't do that. I could not go to work with a smile and say Im going to help sell 10 thousand stress balls to some uptight asshole who will be a pain in my ass for 2 weeks while my boss gets all the money and if im lucky I will get 50 bucks that will be divided between all the assistants so in the end I get 20 dollars...maybe. Oh and I dont have vacation days or sick days, I have PTO which means my vacation days are my sick days. Oh wow yay!
That plus everyone in my office would tool me. Sometimes I bump into them and their like "we really miss you!" no what they miss is having someone they think is beneath them so they can feel better about themselves.
How I list my job is a story in itself, basically I got fired. Why I got fired is where the adventure begins.
So what happened was this...
Last December I went home to PR for a week. During that time I hung out with my x Mariel (if you read the blog you know that story)things were cool, I honestly have moved on from that fiasco, anyhoo Mariel introduced me to Patti her new friend. I went gaga over Patti, she was hot, wore glasses, was a geek and had a sarcastic smart sense of humor. A lethal combination. But after a few days with my head up my ass, I got rejected and sort of snaped.
I decided I had had enough rejection. I was going to become the kind of guy who women throw themselves at. The kind of guy who women fawn over. The guy I knew I had inside of me.
So I began my year long quest. Eventually I got involved in "the seduction community" basically its a giant nerd fest of guys basically trying methods for becoming that attractive guy. You know the idiot with the stupid hat on that reality show. The first few months had me saying stupid pick up lines to girls, learning magic tricks, wearing flamboyant shirts and jackets and learning social psychology. I did not get laid.
But I was not deterred. I began reading self help material to overcome my low self esteem and kill the creepiness that seemed to follow me around. And I soon became the funny,charming guy that can make girls laugh. I was going out 2 times a week. I still did not get laid.
No problem so I went to a seminar about being a more socially attractive guy. I made friends and learned to really be myself in social situations (well probably 70% of the time...hey this takes time to have the balls to just be you, its not as easy as it seems) and I started to get numbers and kisses on the lips from girls. At this point I was going out 3 nights a week.
I still did not get laid.
Okay I decided I needed to be more committed to this. So I began to go out 4 nights a week. I pushed myself to be social hard. I read more self help material like Tony Robbins and Tole. I began to get make outs in the club.
I STILL DID NOT GET LAID!!!!
I got fired instead. I was coming in to work like a zombie. Fucking up orders and loosing the company money, plus once I got a reputation as a fuck up, no sales person wanted to work with me. By the end of October it was over, I was let go, I was lucky that I was labeled laid off so i got unemployment. But it was the worst time to loose ones job. Those assholes in wall street fucked us.
I wasted November going out, I began to escape my reality by going out 5 days a week and becoming a lazy bum. I missed out on a good opportunity at the cable company. I kept thinking I would get something but as I sent out my resume all I got called back was business scams, then December hit so it was completely dead that month. Then one night ( the one night I didnt want to go out but my friend dragged me out) I met a sweet, smart, insanely hot brazilian girl.
And I got laid.
At first I got all egotistical about it. I began to go out even more but the more I went out, the more empty I felt. And my brazilian girl left for Brazil for a full month (dont know whats gonna happen with that girl) and I began to go out more and more, I was a vampire, waking up at sunset and going to sleep at sunrise. Not getting laid and feeling miserable more and more.
Next thing I know people I admire and thought I was friends with no longer want to associate with me. They began to tell me that I was being consumed. I had an addiction and my life was still going no where. I have no income coming in and because of some fuck up with my financial aid, I owe 1,500 bucks and cant register for next semester. Unless I get a job soon I will miss out on my studies.
I suffer from insomnia (like right now) Im so stressed that its hard for me to sleep. I realize that all my "friends" are really just guys who just want someone to go out with to the clubs. They aren't my real friends. I only really have a small handful of those...the ones who still speak to me anyway.
So here I am in 2009 trying to put my life back together. I have learned so much. I'm not 23 anymore I cant be irresponsible anymore, I don't have the luxury of it. I don't wish I had my old job back, I would have been miserable there if I still had it. But I should have kept my priorities in check instead of taking bad advice from people half my age.
Everyday now is a struggle. I stopped going out and was surprised at how much I craved it. I crave the escape it gave me. But its time to face reality and yeah it may not be pretty but its what I make of it. So I take it one step at a time and if I put even half the passion I gave to getting laid then I should be able to turn this around and make a great life for myself right?
Im back... So I got my promotion. I now work as a sales assistant for a promotional product company. It was a long and hard process, the worst of it was the time I had Tish as my boss. Tish is a bitch (and im being kind because i really want to use the c word to describe her). She is abusive (called me retarted infront of my dept, the S.A dept and anyone withing earshot. She is narrow minded and worst of all she belives in work beuracrecy. I personally belive in a more relaxed work enviorment without red tape. I dont know maybe im a socialist.
There was a point during the whole process where i thought i would be paid less than the other S.A's because i still dont have my college degree. Yeah I heard this excuse allot, you cant move up in the company "you dont have a college degree", you cant get paid like the rest "you dont have a college degree", you cant get naked in the office "you dont have a college degree".
Okay maybe not that last one. Well through hard work (or fear of getting fired) I have beaten the odds.
Still I will never love my job. Its a uselss job, I make sure people get their stress balls, pens, frisbees, basically the free crap they give away. I highly doubt in a 100 years my decendants will open up the grand vault of stress balls and say "Look little David IV this is where our accestor helped save the future with stress balls". Yeah not gonna happen.
If i get a chance to jump ship, belive me I will. Like every job this job has its problems. Luckly my days are less stressed now that I pretty much govern myself. I have no manager. The person i assist is a flake. And best of all the i get along allot better with the folks i work with.
I only wish i could get a decent time off plan (thats a whole other post) and being able to play music would be nice.
This really had me in tears. Man Viacom sucks ass, because of them ive lost so many great videos. I had a whole bunch of live Wicked preformances that are now gone. This really is the death of You Tube. Well might as well enjoy it while it lasts.
You know there have been a few things in my life that i keep secret and this is probably one of the bigger ones. Yeah you read right i dont drink. I hate beer. I hate wine. I dont care for champane. And the closest thing that i drink that contains alchohol is a Smirnoff Ice.
You know you would think more people would admire this or like this but whenever someone finds out this they tend to get weirded out. Like Melissa, when she found out that i dont drink i got the same look from her ive gotten from so many other people. How can i be a guy....not only that, how can a latino not drink?! Hell the mere fact that im in my 20's and never had a hang over or been truely plasterd is so scary for some folks that ive had people trying to force feed me beer.
Alchohol is a poison for your body. Im not being snotty or new agey but seriously alchohol is a toxin for your body, it gives you dead fat and fucks with your liver. If you drink to much you can get alchohol poisioning. Its the one thing your body tries to get out of your system as fast as possible (hence why you want to pee so bad).
Its really awkward for me whenever i go to bar or a party. Everyone always notices what the other is drinking. I usually ask for a soda cause then i can lie and say im having a rum and coke. How stupid is that? Why cant folks just accept the fact that someone who is not religious and likes to think is cool doesnt drink. When did being liberal suddenly involve having a drink in one hand and a joint in the next (thats another post).
Im not comming down on you drinkers. You can drink all you want, more power to you. Just dont give me the "WTF?!" look when i order a water when hang out. Is that too much to ask?
Work Blues.... So work has been interesting lately. Although i am sure there are worse jobs in the world, this aint no picnic. My job has changed drastically. I went from a simple data entry job to logistics (whatever the hell that means) clerk who is in charge of monotering orders, calling suppliers, dealing directly with the sales team, oh and ofcourse data entry.
I still cant belive how Bea the cunt (and belive me when i say that bitch is a cunt) told us that our change in responsibilities was not a promotion but a "lateral move". And acted like we were something you find crawling around a subway car.
Every week or so our job "evolves" more things are added on our shoulders and more perks are taken away. Today we were told that we could not listen to music on our speakers and headphones. A prick move since we dont deal with clients. Seriously may i just take the opportunity to say that Jason Robbins the CEO of Epromos is the douchbag of the year for making this decision, not only will productivity go down because of this move but resentment is growing more and more. I think we will be getting new computers next week which will probably be loaded with programs that will eliminate or monitor our chats and websurfing. Oh and i just got word im being moved accross the room next to the two people who annoy the fuck out of me.
I really want to quit this job but good jobs are fucking hard to find. I dont know how these college kids can work part time go to school and still have money to take trips to Europe. Im barely getting by here. Im tired, this job is sucking the life out of me.
I dont feal creative, This is the first thing ive written in over a month. I havent gone to the gym since the middle of feb. I want out but i feel trapped. It took me a month to land this job, what is a 28 year old with no degree going to get? something better? i highly doubt it.
If i can just make it to agust im would be there for a year and i could (in theory) land a raise since compensation is given on a yearly basis. Still with my luck it would probably be 75 cents or some obcene ammount.
What gets me is that these fuckers read those business motivating books that preach the exact opposite of what they are doing. Why cant i ever land a decent job? why does every job i have start out great only to turn to pure shit at 6 months? Why cant i work for respectable companies like Pepsi or Apple? Fuck i would kill to sweap the floors at PIXAR or Marvel. These are companies that sure have their flaws but reward their employees for their hard work.